It just might be a one-shot deal

Part 2 of answering to answering these questions from Dr. Michael L. Brown

Dr. Brown's questions are:

1. Is Your Atheism Based on Study or Experience?
2. Do You Have Purpose and Destiny?
3. Does God Exist?
4. Can Science Explain the Origin of Life?
5. Have You Questioned Your Atheism?
6. Are You Materialistic?
7. Would You Be Willing to Follow God?

This afternoon's offering is #1 - Is Your Atheism Based on Study or Experience?

Both.

I grew up in a nominally Christian household, but my father was Lutheran by family tradition, and a non-participant in practice. My mother was Episcopalian by choice, so we children assumed that the Episcopal church was our flavor of Christianity. I did not have a fervent belief in God or Jesus until around age 21, when I became Born Again and joined a Four Square Pentecostal church. I aspired to be the best Christian I could be, and started by reading the New Testament word-for-word. So far, so good ... Jesus was the man. 

The next step was to get the background that (I assumed) only the Old Testament could give me, so I read that word-for-word as well. This is where the trouble starts. To paraphrase Richard Dawkins (of whom I was not familiar until 25 years later), Yahweh was a reprehensible character, and his actions absolutely betrayed what fellow believers told me I should believe about him. How could Jesus represent this cosmic dick? It was time for a quick reassurance that Jesus was good, and that Yahweh was not that relevant to one's place in the world and potential salvation. So I reread the New Testament.

After reading NT, then OT, then NT again in fairly quick succession (8-12 months?), I stepped away to get perspective. Far away. It would be another ten years before I would reconsider my rapid conversion, then deconversion. 

In brief, Round 2 was circa 1985, and included another reading of OT, then NT in fairly crisp order. I may have had a little outside study - it would have been only about who wrote the Bible, and when, but it did not reaffirm my earlier faith that God exists and that Jesus would save my soul.

Round 3 was mid-1990's, and occurred after I had gotten married. Same result as mid-90's, added by more internetz to highlight some of the issues (problems) such as the Synoptic Problem. I don't know that my wife ever knew about any of this until the last 10 or 15 years. She, btw, was never a believer, but neither did she consider herself an atheist. She just saw no reason for belief.

Round 4 was circa 2011, OT then NT again, and included an on-line Bible study group of both atheists and believers. I also took on-line courses (Yale videos, Great Courses CDs) and still more independent roaming the internetz.

That is it for me. There will be no more agonizing re-appraisal of religious beliefs. The idea that this is a physical universe behaving in accordance with observed "laws", and contains nothing supernatural, does not trouble me. To quote the great philosopher Frank Zappa, "it just might be a one-shot deal".

I can be wrong about some or all of this, but I don't think so. I don't see a reason to waste time on worry.